Fresh Start, an Apology and Some Advice

WOW!  It's been over a year since I last wrote.  My, how things have changed in the world!

I saw an excellent post on Facebook recently about 2020 bringing about the 1918 Pandemic, 1929 Depression and 1968 Race Riots back all at once.  These three things at once have definitely tested our resourcefulness and fortitude during the the past few months.  Even more so, we have certainly discovered where many of our fellow Americans sit in regards to discrimination and loyalty, through their words and/or actions.  We've been tested physically, mentally, financially and emotionally.

Someone needs to fix 2020....... TOUT DE SUITE!   We can start here....

I've been itching to get back to blogging for the past few months, but the things that matter the most  to me right now are some hot topics that are better left to "bigger actions and stronger forums".  Not some blog that will only invite people to take sides and argue points.  The "keyboard warriors" are gonna have to look elsewhere.  Instead, I implore you to use your energy to take action.  Didn't your mama tell you.....

Read that one again.  It's a gooder.

And while you're at it, stop hoarding paper goods!  I swear one of the toilet paper companies started the need to hoard TP, because I can't understand what the logic was behind this worldwide need to stockpile the stuff.

Cough medicine, I get.   But virus wasn't causing the runs....the trots....the flyarrhea....the loose juice.....the flying jimmies....the stinkle tinkle....the joggins.....or my own personal favorite, the bubblins.

(note: I just found a page full of slang words for diarrhea, and I couldn't stop myself.  It was word vomit.  😉. Sorry, Mom)

Anyway...... 

Being a rather light and airy blog, I'm taking it back to its roots.  This blog began as a "mommy blog",  became a "diet blog" and ended up being something more along the lines of a "total-health quest blog".  We are going to continue with that, okay?

Before I proceed, I have an apology to make to some previous readers, if they are still here.

When I began blogging about Lydia Wente's program, I neglected to mention that it's not a low-cost  program.  It's an investment.  And I totally understand that many people cannot afford to make larger investments, especially now.  

Truth be told, I couldn't either.  I had to get financial support to do the program.  

The deciding factor for me what that I could not live one more moment with the eating disorder.  The need for help was a much larger component in choice to enroll.   I was fortunate enough to be able to get the money to pay for her help.  And I am forever grateful to Lydia Wente for changing and saving my life.  I will always support what she does and I will always recommend her program to people.

I do want to apologize to anyone who felt that my posts misled them in any way due to the financial cost.  Everything I posted was factual and sincere.  However, I didn't consider that some people may have felt as though omitting the price of the program led to them pursuing an option that they never would have pursued had they been given that information.  I will say with 100% certainty that I never thought of the price because to me, personally, it was invaluable.  I just wanted to share my success.

I did the program over 2 years ago, so I have no idea what the cost is now.  If you would like to get more information on this, I would recommend asking Lydia personally.   She offers a number of ways to receive financial assistance if you are interested.

What I would like to do is make another recommendation for more affordable options if Lydia's program isn't an option for you.  Since completing her program, I've worked with two other people who have taken "the new me" and taught me how to build on that foundation.  They are STILL teaching me, actually!  And they are two of my favorite people.

The first person I went to was Summer Innanen.  OMG, I love her!  I read her book and decided that she was the girl for me.  She is relatable, sensitive, funny, insightful, and she says it like it is.  There are so many options at so many financial levels for women who are aiming for help with disordered eating AND Body Positive Living (a/k/a loving yourself right now!).  Plus, she is accessible.  You're not a number or a payment.  

Through conversations, Summer helped me find that I deserve more that I thought I did, why I felt I didn't deserve it and how to give it to myself.  I'm going to include the link to her website and her book below.  Check her out!  

The link to Summer's website summerinnanen.com

The link to Summer's book - Free For Kindle Unlimited Members!!

After Summer, I realized that I had no idea how to eat like a normal person.  I had no idea how to eat and exercise.  I wasn't a gym person.  I ate cereal, loaded ham sandwiches and pizza. Diet food was gone from my life, so what in the hell was I supposed to eat????  I had injuries that needed to be considered when choosing how to exercise, and the only plans I saw were either for already fit people or people who wanted to do a boot camp.

Ummmmm.....nope.

I searched the internet thoroughly and I needed help.  I felt like there was no one for me.  I needed someone who really cared, could teach me how to eat like a normal person and could also teach me how to exercise and not hurt myself.  

The second person I went to was Trish English, the owner of O.N.E Optimal Nutrition Exercise.   All of that stuff I mentioned above?  She does that.   And if you DO like the gym and know how to eat, she will STILL teach you stuff you didn't know to make your life even better.  I say LIFE because she doesn't just focus on your body.  She focuses on the ENTIRE thing.  Mind, body, soul.  As a yoga teacher, kick box instructor and personal trainer who spent a verrrrrrrrry long time studying the science of how  nutrition affects your body, she's got it all.  

Since starting with Trish, I've learned how to eat like a normal, healthy person, I've learned that working out can be fun and easy, and I've learned to take care of myself as a human being.  And, again, she is an accessible person!  She responds to emails personally and thoughtfully, she replies to her Facebook  page quickly and she'll even talk to you on the phone or in person.  She will commit to you as much as you commit to her.  I'll post links to her website, Facebook and Instagram pages below.

O.N.E. Facebook Page

O.N.E. Instagram Page

O.N.E Program Webpage

I'm still with her.  I’m still learning.  She's my inspiration for health, fitness, parenting and general "good-personedness".

And yes, she's affordable.  

Okay!  So, with all of that being said, if you have any questions, please reach out.  And I'll be back.  For my birthday this year, I decided I want to work on Self Care more than ever.  Hope you'll join me

xoxo,

Vicki

p.s. Just to reiterate.......

Dog Drama and (Lack of) Apologies

Hello again friends!

I realize it's been awhile since I put fingers to keyboard and blurted out thoughts from my corner of the world.  For those of you who find this blog interesting, I'm sorry for being tardy to the party.  For those of you who were hoping I gave up, I'm sorry to disappoint you.  Feel free to do a Google search and go read elsewhere.

We've had some hoopla going on lately.  First and foremost, my (former) dog Daisy was attacked by two very pissed off dogs.  Some of you may remember Daisy, the shorkie that I had for about 5 years.  At the beginning of this year, the stars aligned and she went to live with my parents across the street.  She was getting growlie with Allie and my parents suddenly felt the need to have something small and furry running around the house.   Perfect timing.

I have to pause here to clarify something.  I'm a firm believer that when you get any pet, you need to take full responsibility to give them the best possible care for the rest of their lives.  Pets are NOT disposable.  It's a serious commitment.

However, when your pet starts to threaten the well being of one of the people in your home, the responsibility changes.  First, you need to find a reliable, caring new home for him or her.  Choose carefully.  Second,  I personally feel that if you have a pet that threatens your child and you do nothing but just hope it will stop, then you are an irresponsible parent.  Your invitation to shitty parenting is in the mail.  IT WILL NOT "JUST STOP".  You need to DO something.

Okay....so, Daisy trotted across the street and lives with the parental units.  Justin has declared that they better not try to give her back because they "totally ruined the dog".  She eats better than I do.  They dote on her and cater to her needs.  I miss her at times but she's sooooooo much happier over there.  In actuality, I too am so much happier when she's over there.  I love her from a distance.

A few days ago, my father was walking Daisy when their neighbor's dog came running out of nowhere and attacked her.  The dog got out of his collar and came running, so it was an accident on the part of the owner.  She came running (with the other dog....super smart!) and things got ugly.  Fortunately my neighbor/friend/Wondermom heard the screeching and came running.  Somehow they managed to break it up.  My mom still gets teary when she thinks about the noises Daisy made while trying to get away from the dogs.

How bad was it?  See for yourself.

Daisy Dukes right after surgery

What she normally looks like....at my house....she has an attitude

Here's the kicker!  The neighbor doesn't feel she should have to pay for the vet bills since she's not sure it's her fault.  I know....it doesn't make sense, but some people just can't accept responsibility (that word again) for their errors.  Said neighbor is a renter and moving out this weekend.  Apparently she wants to see if she can move and skip out on the bill.

This is someone actively involved in a local church.  Now that there is Christian-like behavior, isn't it?  I have  term for these people who claim to be all about God, but act like they are all about THEMSELVES; I call them Faux Christians.  They can pretend to be spiritual, but the Big Cheese In the Sky knows what's really going on.

My parents are worn out and exhausted.  This has been traumatizing and exhausting.  They are so tired of "fighting" that they have considered giving up.  However, Justin and I  are deep into PI/lawyer/righteous-freeedom-fighter mode, so we aren't going to stop.  I think our tenacity to win this thing is part of why they are exhausted, but they're too nice to admit it.  I.E. "Vicki, I'm just tired of this.  It's not worth all of my time.  I just want it to be over." "What?  I'm working really hard to help you get what you deserve! We can't stop now!"

I just now realized as I typed that how narcissistic that sounds!  Wow!   Mom, I promise you that I'm doing this solely for you and Ben.  We are a strong people!  We will not lay down and die when we've been wronged!  (raises fist in air and shakes it!!)  And now I've realized where my daughter gets her dramatic side from.  Great. (that was sarcasm)

Anyway....

Here's my question:  Why is admitting your wrong so damn hard for people??? The lady clearly didn't let her dog go on purpose.  She felt bad about it.  The fact is that her dog got off of the leash and put his chompers into Daisy's flesh, like, a lot.  So, it's the neighbor's error.  Shit happens people!  It was an accident.

She felt remorse.  BUT, she did not feel responsible (there's that effing word again!) enough to pay to put Daisy back together again.  She feels that since she didn't see their initial encounter that maybe Daisy snapped at her dog first, thus starting the whole commotion.  "My dogs are great with other dogs at the doggie park."

Really?  Seriously?  That's your defense?  Did you not see EVERYTHING that followed?

Jackass.

What would you do?  I would be annoyingly apologetic.  And if the "victims" wanted me to pay the vet expenses, I would do everything I could to accommodate them.  I'd be checking in to see if they were okay.  I would send "Im really f**king sorry" gifts flying in their direction.  And I would definitely be on red alert with my dogs, their collars, their attitudes, etc from that moment on.

I want Allie to embrace putting her ego aside and admitting she made a mistake and  take (I wont say the R word again) for her actions.  Within reason.

Sounds good in theory, doesn't it?

Well, I'll have you know, she is the WORST apologizer ever.  EV-ERRRRRRR.  Take two extremely stubborn people  and have them create another human being and you end up with the most super-snotty-cant-say-I'm sorry-extra-shitty-apologizer EVER.  She's been known to yell "I'm sorry" with a nasty little attitude, when all we want is for her to admit she feels bad when :

• She takes my Fitbit Force off my wrist and hides it in a place she can't recall just 3 minutes later so now I have to buy another one. 

• Or when I'm towel drying my hair and she reaches up and pinches my nipple because it looks like a funny thing to do, but it actually feels like she tried to rip it off so I scream so hard that she starts to cry.  Very very unfunny.
• Or when she comes into the room and flops down on the couch like a Kardashian and says to Justin, as if he's her servant, "I want food and put my tv on NOW!" (If it wasn't so awful to feed into, I'd have her do it and add "and make me a sandwich, bitch!" at the end, but Im sure that'll eventually work against me.)
• Or when she touches everything three more times after you told her not to touch it and then you lose your shit because it's already happened 19 other times the same day and it's not even noon yet.

I could go on, but I'll spare you the details.

I'm not going to give up though.  Eventually, I'll find the right thing to say that will drive the point home in her 3 year old mind.  I will not have a "non-apologizer" for a child.

To wrap this up, I'll just let you know that Daisy will survive and is being fussed over to such a degree that I think she might try to "work the situation" and drag it out a bit.  Justin is correct.  She has been ruined.  Yet we love her.

Dog bless,
Vicki

p.s. I thought I'd add these photos because....well.....there are dogs in them.  And Allie too.  And I think they're kinda cute.  That's why.  Enjoy!

Allie and Sadie snuggling up in bed together.  My two favorite girls!

Waiting at the top of the stairs.  Sadie sits like this, with her paws hanging over the edge, waiting for me to come back upstairs.  Allie has this "other personality" that she calls Tutu.  Tutu is a dog.  It's not as fun as it sounds like it would be.  Like when Sadie poops outside and Tutu wants to drop trou and take a dumper on the front lawn next to her.

Lulu.   I just love Lulu.  She's a big brown Newfie who I walk every day and stays with us on occassion.  She is the ultimate baby sitter and I think she'd even let Allie put a saddle on her and ride her around the complex if she wanted.  (She does want to, but it's not going to happen.)

Our complex has its own herd of deer.  (okay...it's not a dog photo, but my kid is in it!) They are so friendly and walk around the lawns and streets like people.  It's not unusual to see a doe with a few fawns walking down the middle of the street and taking a left to go to the park.  It's outrageous.

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Save Your Stupid Apologies, I Don't Wanna Hear 'Em

I feel as though I have sufficiently calmed down enough to discuss the following subject:

Bullshit celebrity apologies.

It's something that always bothered me, but once the Paula Deen thing happened, followed by the Alec Baldwin thing recently, and now the Phil Robertson thing, I can't take it anymore.   Anyone who brings this topic up to me is bound to get an earful, because I've had enough!

I need to do my little disclaimer right here in the beginning to eliminate any potential pissedoffness that could occur if you don't read my big mouth opinion straight through to the end.  I do NOT approve of racist and homophobic slurs.  I don't care what color you are or who you crawl into bed at night with.  My mother raised us to love everyone equally and that it is inside, not outside, what matters.  Allison is being raised in the exact same fashion.  So, please be clear on my stance on those particular items.

Okay.  Here I go.

If I hear one more person "apologize" for "offending" people, I'm going to lose my mind.  It's all bullshit.  None of it is genuine.  If these people didn't have celebrity status and major bucks to lose, they wouldn't apologize to anyone for anything.  They are being forced into saying they are sorry for their beliefs when they really aren't.

Even if it was for one minute in an entire lifetime, Paula Deen and Alec Baldwin did feel the need to use racist and homophobic terms when speaking to someone in public.  It happened.  The words are so damn common that they easily run off people's tongues  in the heat of the moment.  Even gay and ethnic people do it.  God knows the "N word" is thrown around as much as the word "you" by African American people.  I recently watched a TV show where a gay man called another gay man a "f*g" because he was so flamboyant.  These words are being used within the groups who find it offensive as well.  Somehow, they give permission to keep the language going.

BUT...oh, yes, there is a but....

I don't want to hear an apology for something when you don't mean it.  I hate it when people in my personal life do it.  You might as well just say, "I'm only saying this to get you to shut the hell up and get over it."  And that's what these celebrities are doing.  They are being forced into it to save their reputations.  Its so disingenuous.  I lose respect for them for caving in and taking back their feelings, regardless of how crappy they are.  Stick up for yourself, dammit.  If you're going to be an asshole, be a proud asshole!

And who in the hell is so "offended" by this talk?  A newscaster says "shit" by accident and has to come back from commercial and apologize for "offending" people?  What planet do these offended people live on?  They never heard this kind of language before?  And why in the hell are they taking it so personally?

Really?  Offended?  I still don't understand that.  And if you don't like what people are saying, then walk away, turn the page, change the channel, stop giving them your attention.  That's what I do with people in my own life.  Their racist and homophobic statements don't offend me.  If anything, I'm glad I get to see their true colors so I can decide whether I want them in my life or not.  If they want to be ignorant, it's their prerogative.  Their opinions don't affect me.... unless you are dragging people I love into it.

The real kicker for me was Phil Robertson.  I'm a fan of the Duck Dynasty show.  I think it's hilarious and I like their wholesome values.  They seem like people that you would want to know better.  So, Phil makes a comment in a sermon (he's a preacher) about how homosexuality is wrong according to the bible.  He states his case and then moves on.

He doesn't say that you should hate gay people.   What he says actually is factual....depending on what you believe in.  The Bible strongly implies that homosexuality is wrong.  The BIBLE says it.  That doesn't meant that it's right.  But if you are a Christian and share the beliefs amongst many divisions of Christianity, then that's what you believe as well.  He later says that he thinks people should love everyone, regardless of their lifestyle.

It's your right to have your own opinion and religious beliefs.  When that stops, we are in for a shitload of trouble here in America.   I see a trend where people are trying to take away that right and force us to believe that if you don't think like the majority, then you should say you're sorry and shut up.

This is what I need to teach my daughter?  I need to tell her that when she has an opinion that is contrary to popular beliefs she should shut up and keep it to herself?  Don't be an individual!  And God forbid you slip and say something, make sure you humble  yourself and apologize for being so offensive!

Oh, nay nay!

There's no way in hell's bathroom that I'm going to follow that line of thinking.  If I taught her that, I would be teaching her to conform.  No conforming.  Be you!  Be nice, but be you.  If you believe in something that hurts other people, that's a real problem, but if you believe something that is different from the masses, don't give up.  You could change the world, even if it's just a teeny bit.

What if Martin Luther King, or Rosa Parks, or Susan B. Anthony, or Betty Friedan, or Brenda Howard gave in and stifled their opinions?  They went against the majority and now Equal Rights for minorities, women and homosexuals are bursting forward.

In conclusion to the Phil Robertson drama, I'm glad he didn't apologize.  I'm also glad that he told people that we all should be kind and love each other, no matter what you believe.  He's stuck with his guns (no pun intended), but he made it nice.  I'm impressed.  I don't agree with him, but I respect him for telling his truth.

So, my job is to make Allie's truth one that is kind, loving and part of a positive contribution to the world.  It's MY job and I take it seriously.  Children learn from example and I'm trying to do my best to set a good one.  The tidbit I'll take away from this apology crap is that I want Allie to only apologize when she means it.  Don't betray your beliefs, and for God's sake, don't try to say something meaningful that you don't mean!

Much love to you all!

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