The Workout Worked Out

Wow.  That was a long "24 hour"s.  🙄

Let me start where I left off.

I went to the workout.  I was soooooo nervous and totally freaked out and completely anxiety- ridden.  All I kept thinking about was how out of shape I was going to be compared to everyone else.  And, really, it did me no good.

Everyone starts somewhere.  Nobody is born looking like an Olympic athlete.  You never hear about babies bursting out of the womb and bench pressing the changing table.   "Drop and give me 50" said no pediatrician ever.

Except for maybe this baby's doctor

Anyway, my therapist, Steve, always says to "identify the fear" when I get like this.   And then determine "if it's a rational fear or not".

Just the word FEAR kind of straightened me out.  It's a freakin' workout class.....with friends.....taught by someone I trust more than most family members.  What is there to be AFRAID of?   

Nothing.  And as I pulled into the parking lot, I became blessedly fearless and totally psyched.  I was a tad nervous, but I think that's a rational reaction.

I was definitely a new kid on the block in the workout world, but it all felt very normal to not be able to lift a lot of weight, or do reverse lunges with my knee far from touching the floor.  I giggled with Lynn when we lost our balance using our resistance bands for curls.  And Rose and I shot each other desperate looks when Trish called out, "Okay....let's do it all again" after a grueling set of side planks and crunches.  

Again, everyone starts somewhere.  I looked at that class as being my baseline by which I would measure every workout to come.  Cuz I was gonna go back.  I knew it when I packed up my equipment.  I accomplished stuff and I felt completely awesome afterward!  

Don't we look happy post-workout?  I love them ever so.  Me and my girls......

Flash forward to yesterday and, while I still can't do some things well, I know that my knee was waaaaaay closer to the floor than it was two months ago while doing my reverse lunges.  And I have increased weight and amount of resistance to my workout.  My biceps jiggle a lot less when I shake my arms and I can do some killer squats.  

Here is the biggest shocker of them all.....

I'm having hand surgery in a few days and I'M GOING TO MISS GOING TO MY CLASS!  

I can't believe I just typed those words in reference to working out, and yet I mean them with every fiber of my being.  In June, if you told me that I would be longing for the exact thing that I was totally freaked out to even start, I would've told you that you were completely bonkers.   

But it's true.  Totally true story.

xoxo

Vicki

Fresh Start, an Apology and Some Advice

WOW!  It's been over a year since I last wrote.  My, how things have changed in the world!

I saw an excellent post on Facebook recently about 2020 bringing about the 1918 Pandemic, 1929 Depression and 1968 Race Riots back all at once.  These three things at once have definitely tested our resourcefulness and fortitude during the the past few months.  Even more so, we have certainly discovered where many of our fellow Americans sit in regards to discrimination and loyalty, through their words and/or actions.  We've been tested physically, mentally, financially and emotionally.

Someone needs to fix 2020....... TOUT DE SUITE!   We can start here....

I've been itching to get back to blogging for the past few months, but the things that matter the most  to me right now are some hot topics that are better left to "bigger actions and stronger forums".  Not some blog that will only invite people to take sides and argue points.  The "keyboard warriors" are gonna have to look elsewhere.  Instead, I implore you to use your energy to take action.  Didn't your mama tell you.....

Read that one again.  It's a gooder.

And while you're at it, stop hoarding paper goods!  I swear one of the toilet paper companies started the need to hoard TP, because I can't understand what the logic was behind this worldwide need to stockpile the stuff.

Cough medicine, I get.   But virus wasn't causing the runs....the trots....the flyarrhea....the loose juice.....the flying jimmies....the stinkle tinkle....the joggins.....or my own personal favorite, the bubblins.

(note: I just found a page full of slang words for diarrhea, and I couldn't stop myself.  It was word vomit.  😉. Sorry, Mom)

Anyway...... 

Being a rather light and airy blog, I'm taking it back to its roots.  This blog began as a "mommy blog",  became a "diet blog" and ended up being something more along the lines of a "total-health quest blog".  We are going to continue with that, okay?

Before I proceed, I have an apology to make to some previous readers, if they are still here.

When I began blogging about Lydia Wente's program, I neglected to mention that it's not a low-cost  program.  It's an investment.  And I totally understand that many people cannot afford to make larger investments, especially now.  

Truth be told, I couldn't either.  I had to get financial support to do the program.  

The deciding factor for me what that I could not live one more moment with the eating disorder.  The need for help was a much larger component in choice to enroll.   I was fortunate enough to be able to get the money to pay for her help.  And I am forever grateful to Lydia Wente for changing and saving my life.  I will always support what she does and I will always recommend her program to people.

I do want to apologize to anyone who felt that my posts misled them in any way due to the financial cost.  Everything I posted was factual and sincere.  However, I didn't consider that some people may have felt as though omitting the price of the program led to them pursuing an option that they never would have pursued had they been given that information.  I will say with 100% certainty that I never thought of the price because to me, personally, it was invaluable.  I just wanted to share my success.

I did the program over 2 years ago, so I have no idea what the cost is now.  If you would like to get more information on this, I would recommend asking Lydia personally.   She offers a number of ways to receive financial assistance if you are interested.

What I would like to do is make another recommendation for more affordable options if Lydia's program isn't an option for you.  Since completing her program, I've worked with two other people who have taken "the new me" and taught me how to build on that foundation.  They are STILL teaching me, actually!  And they are two of my favorite people.

The first person I went to was Summer Innanen.  OMG, I love her!  I read her book and decided that she was the girl for me.  She is relatable, sensitive, funny, insightful, and she says it like it is.  There are so many options at so many financial levels for women who are aiming for help with disordered eating AND Body Positive Living (a/k/a loving yourself right now!).  Plus, she is accessible.  You're not a number or a payment.  

Through conversations, Summer helped me find that I deserve more that I thought I did, why I felt I didn't deserve it and how to give it to myself.  I'm going to include the link to her website and her book below.  Check her out!  

The link to Summer's website summerinnanen.com

The link to Summer's book - Free For Kindle Unlimited Members!!

After Summer, I realized that I had no idea how to eat like a normal person.  I had no idea how to eat and exercise.  I wasn't a gym person.  I ate cereal, loaded ham sandwiches and pizza. Diet food was gone from my life, so what in the hell was I supposed to eat????  I had injuries that needed to be considered when choosing how to exercise, and the only plans I saw were either for already fit people or people who wanted to do a boot camp.

Ummmmm.....nope.

I searched the internet thoroughly and I needed help.  I felt like there was no one for me.  I needed someone who really cared, could teach me how to eat like a normal person and could also teach me how to exercise and not hurt myself.  

The second person I went to was Trish English, the owner of O.N.E Optimal Nutrition Exercise.   All of that stuff I mentioned above?  She does that.   And if you DO like the gym and know how to eat, she will STILL teach you stuff you didn't know to make your life even better.  I say LIFE because she doesn't just focus on your body.  She focuses on the ENTIRE thing.  Mind, body, soul.  As a yoga teacher, kick box instructor and personal trainer who spent a verrrrrrrrry long time studying the science of how  nutrition affects your body, she's got it all.  

Since starting with Trish, I've learned how to eat like a normal, healthy person, I've learned that working out can be fun and easy, and I've learned to take care of myself as a human being.  And, again, she is an accessible person!  She responds to emails personally and thoughtfully, she replies to her Facebook  page quickly and she'll even talk to you on the phone or in person.  She will commit to you as much as you commit to her.  I'll post links to her website, Facebook and Instagram pages below.

O.N.E. Facebook Page

O.N.E. Instagram Page

O.N.E Program Webpage

I'm still with her.  I’m still learning.  She's my inspiration for health, fitness, parenting and general "good-personedness".

And yes, she's affordable.  

Okay!  So, with all of that being said, if you have any questions, please reach out.  And I'll be back.  For my birthday this year, I decided I want to work on Self Care more than ever.  Hope you'll join me

xoxo,

Vicki

p.s. Just to reiterate.......

Hello. My name is Vicki and I'm a Tractopotomus too!

In case you are wondering what a "tractopotomus" was, it's not a real word.  I made it up.  Here is where it came from:

A few months ago Rex Reed wrote a movie review for the New York Times in which he referred to Melissa McCarthy as a "hippo", "tractor-sized" and "obese". In case you aren't sure who she is, she stars on the tv show Mike and Molly, she was in the movie Identity Theif earlier this year, and this month she will be in The Heat with Sandra Bullock.  If the name still doesn't ring a bell, here's a little photo for you

Melissa has daughters, so the results of how she responded to this whole experience with Mr. Imafuckingmoron Reed was going to be immense! (no pun intended...seriously)  It could affect her reputation, her career and, most importantly, her daughters' self images.

Here was her response to USA Today yesterday:

She said her initial reaction was that of shock at the notion that a publication would even run a review with such mean-spirited remarks. But she added that she has bigger, more meaningful things in her life to focus on.

"I just thought, that's someone who's in a really bad spot, and I am in such a happy spot. I laugh my head off every day with my husband and my kids who are mooning me and singing me songs."

She concedes that the criticism "may have crushed me," at a younger age. Plus, as the mother of two daughters, she sees articles like that as damaging to young women. The article adds "to all those younger girls, that are not in a place in their life where they can say, 'That doesn't reflect on me.' That makes it more true. ... It means you don't actually look good enough."

I love that she waited four months to respond to that idiot.  She wasn't giving him the power of an immediate reaction.  However, I would love to know how she handled the effects of the article at home.  You can be sure that someone, somewhere mentioned these slanderous comments to one of her girls.  If I heard someone say things like that about my mother I would run home and ask her why people would say such awful things.

I wonder if Rex Douchebag Reed thought about that.  Did he at any point think about the two girls who would hear this about their mother?  How about the potential damage he was doing to millions of girls and women who already suffer with body image problems? He must have! And he still said it.  That's just mean spirited and evil. 

Here's another photo I would like you to look at: 

NY Post

That's Ireland Baldwin, 17 year old daughter of Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin.  She's a model and, apparently, some people feel that she's too tall, fat and unattractive to be a model.  Her extremely mature response to this, via Twitter, was:

“I understand that I am not a size .008.  What I don’t fully understand, is what is the good in commenting on a photo of a 17 year old girl and calling her fat, ugly, etc? Is that helping you in some way? I’m confused,” she wrote.

Can you imagine the conversations she had with her mother after reading such negativity?  Can you imagine how much of Ireland's time was spent wondering if any of the statements were true?  

From the time I was 11, I worried about my weight.  Now, children as young as five years old are concerned with dieting.  FIVE!  At five I was concerned about my brother not messing with my Barbies, when I could finally have a kitten, and why no one would mention that red frosting tasted hellacious before letting me eat it? 

Thirty years later, I'm still stressing about my weight.  At forty I said that I wasn't going to waste another year of my life worrying about what other people thought of me.  I wanted to accept myself for how I looked, rather than compare myself to women on tv, in movies, in magazines, on billboards, etc.  Wanna know how that's working out for me so far?  So far I'm not skipping around singing "winner, winner chicken dinner, look at me so much thinner!"

I look at Allie, so sweet and innocent, and just shudder about the thought that in the near future someone will say to her that she's fat or ugly, and tears and heartache will follow.  I hope that she will believe me when I tell her that what they say isn't true.  I wonder if she will understand all of the reasons why people might say such hateful things, like jealousy or insecurity.  

But if she's anything like her mother, she will still doubt and wonder.  I can STILL vividly recall the sting from a high school boyfriend saying my legs were too fat for the shorts I was wearing.  And I haven't worn another pair of shorts like that since.  That's how powerful words can be.

People are mean, as proven by Rex Womenprobablyalwayshatedhim Reed and Ireland Baldwin's critics.  What they have to benefit by saying these things is beyond me.  Do they feel better about themselves in some way?  Do they think sharing their opinion is so valuable that the feelings of others should be sacrificed in the process?  

In regards to writers, I think it's an abuse of their status to make people feel poorly about themselves with their widespread words.  Twitter reaches a huge number of people as well, even if you are just a regular Joe.  You're abusing your Tweeting powers by being hurtful.  Use your powers for good, people, not evil!!!

The truth is.... that Melissa McCarthy is a bit overweight according to those who promote healthy standards.  But she's fabulous as a comedienne, actress, and human being.  I don't even see her body any more.  I see that she can make me laugh, which makes me feel better, so therefore I love her!

The truth is.... that Ireland Baldwin is not a size 0.  But I would've given anything to look like that at 17, 27, 37, and you can be sure I will still be wishing it at 47 and beyond.  She looks amazing.  I hope that she can find a way to continue to rise above the hurtful things that jealous people are saying.

The truth is.... that a few days ago, I was looking at Allie and her little belly was sticking out and I thought, "OMG, look at how cute that little belly is!  It's better to have that now instead of when she grows up."  Shame on me.  I was pissed that I even had the second half of that thought.

Hopefully, by the time she grows up, what's considered attractive will be something other than having next-to-zero body fat.  Dear Lord, may we please revert to the time of Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell???  Of course, considering that both of Allie's  grandmothers were very thin people, she'll probably be thin too, and bitchy people will be yelling at her to have a sandwich.  

Hmmmmm...so, let me change that to Dear Lord, may my daughter never suffer from a poor body image and know that she is forever beautiful.  From the gospel according to Vicki.  Amen.

Exercise Shmexercise

I just read an article in People magazine about Gwyneth Paltrow.  Someone decided that she's the most beautiful woman in the world right now.  Don't get me wrong....she IS beautiful and I would kill for that body, but "World's Most Beautiful Woman"?  I'm guessing that there are a shitload of men out there that are shaking their head's over this one.  You and I both know that she doesn't exactly fit the male criteria for owning that title.  I have a feeling that those who elected her were a bunch of Alpha women sitting around a conference table talking about how trendy All Things Gwyneth are, along with a bunch of men whose mothers taught them that if they want to walk out of a room like THAT alive they should nod in agreement and move along. 

One of the topics they covered was how Gwyn got that body.  Genetics alone was not enough.  She eats very well and tries to avoid eating crap.  But then there was the kicker.  Are you ready for this?  She works out for an hour and a half EVERY DAY.  Boy, was I ever disappointed.  AN HOUR AND A HALF???  I actually felt bad for her.  I'm sure she sees all of those naturally skinny bitches at award shows woofing down drinks and scarfing down fattening food and silently curses them.  "I just had a margarita.... now I have to work out an hour and FORTY FIVE minutes tomorrow!"

Here's my thing with this.... my first thought was that she's an actress, clothing designer, wife, mother, etc.  Where does she find that spare hour and a half?  You know she's busy.  She doesn't give off the appearance of being a bonbon eater.  And if she was, eventually one of her friends/"sources" would've ratted her out to the press. "Gwyneth sleeps until noon, has three nannies to take care of her kids, watches talk shows all afternoon and then gets all liquored up at night with her posse.  She's so selfish."

I'll be honest here.  I've spent the past 25 years looking for the easy way to get out of Chubbsterville.  I grabbed every diet, self help book, weight loss program, diet pill, workout fad, etc I could get my hands on in hopes that it would be the thing that was going to launch me into Smokin HotTown.  Fail.  Big. Fat. Fail.  I know that there's no way to cheat the system, yet I still get hopeful when I see something new.  And it pisses me off when I have to read that if I want to look like Gwyneth Paltrow I have to give up 1.5 hours a day.

F**k that!

Where will I find that time?  I can barely find time to have a date night with my husband or treat myself to a pedicure with one of my friends.  And every night I go to bed thinking that I should've spent more time with Allie.  And I WANT to sit down for an hour late at night to watch what's on the DVR.  I need decompress and forget about how the world pissed me off so I can be less disgruntled tomorrow. You don't even wanna know where I'm writing this from right now!

I could probably take a shower every other day (ew), shorten my appointments in the day (nice way to lose my job), eat dinner while exercising (instant agida) , and give up that hour of TV at midnight (again, that disgruntled thing that will surely result in single parenthood).  I'll be a nauseous, stinky, unemployed homeless person, but my body will be slammin'!  Nice.

I long for the day that society sees Adele as being hot.  Not in this lifetime, I'm sure, as the Marilyn Moment is gone forever.  Norma Jean had it goin' on.  I wanna know who screwed that one up???  It was probably some big cheese at People Magazine who was told to go eat a sandwich because she was too skinny.  This is her revenge.  Bitch.

I've got to put my little darling into her little bicycle "chariot" so I can ride my bike and tow her around with me, all in hopes of not weighing MORE tomorrow.  I don't see me looking like Gwyneth when I'm finished, but I try.

Princess Allie in her chariot