(Scene: I'm sitting on the couch in the living room watching Sofia The First with Allie and watching my husband as he prepares to fix our coat rack. Multiple trips have been made to and from the garage as he collects the tools necessary for the job)
Me: (taking a double take as Justin walks past for the final time)You need a HATCHET to hang a coat rack????
Justin: (eyeing up the wall with his back to me) I couldn't find a hammer. It's the best I could do.
Me: WHAT?
Justin: What?
Me: You're a tool guy and you can't find a hammer?
Justin: (still looking at the wall) Yeah.
Me: And you don't find that ODD?
Justin: How can you expect me to find a hammer in that mess?
Me: I can't believe you can't find a basic tool like a hammer. Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Justin: (pause) Maybe a little.
Installation commenced. Seriously, folks.... he used the hatchet. Totally true story.
I tell you this story because for the past seven years, Mr. I Sold Tools For A Living has been arguing with me about our garage being a mess. His arguments have changed over the years. I think he slowly started to accept the facts. For your amusement, here are the most frequently heard retorts to my accusations:
2006: "It's not THAT bad. All of this stuff is seriously important."
2007 - 2013: "It's a little messy.....but I know where all my shit is."
2008: "I think we might to need to get out there and clean the garage."
2010: "Damn....it's like training camp for an episode of hoarders out there."
2012: "The garage is getting pretty bad."
2014: "I can't find ANYTHING."
The 2014 statement occurred only after we had an organizer come and "just look" at the situation. Apparently, all it took was a professional person with great organization skills, who could speak to him in gentle tones, to drive this point home.
I'd love to post a photo of our garage, but I can't and the reason is two-fold. One, it's such an embarrassing disaster and I'm afraid you'll judge ME along with him. Two, allegedly we have stuff of value in there (or he's just lying so I won't throw everything away while he isn't home) and I don't wanna brag! (as if you really give a shit about tools) So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Let me post some supporting photo documentation to go with the story above before I wrap this up:
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| The tools necessary to REhang the coat hanger. Notice the HATCHET. I wonder how confident he would be about me hanging photos with a bunch of nails and a hatchet. |
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| Speaking of nails..... notice the thing-a-ma-jig, whatchacallit, do-dads here. Our garage looks like a tornado hit it.... multiple times..... yet his little parts and stuff are perfectly organized in a bunch of carriers like this. I don't get it. Did he exhaust his organizational skills with small parts? |
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| Sad sad coat hanger. For the fourth time, he points out that the rack has too many coats on it. My question was "Don't you have a stud finder?" (The responses are always eye-rollers.) The little hanging whozeewhatzees above are supposed to help you hang stuff when you can't find a stud. I think we can label this method as A FAIL (not yet of epic proportions) |
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Removal of our overused coat rack for the 4th time. I know the amount of times from the three holes in the wall. I think we may be putting too many coats on the rack.... maybe..... I think. I'll have you know that the rack is back on the wall and all of the coats are on it again. We're blond, you know? It takes us awhile to catch on.
Here's a photo of my little princess. She helped me walk Tallulah today. I love it when we get to spend time together in the middle of the day. Aren't they both beautiful?
DISCLAIMER: The previous story in no way indicates that my husband is unable to do handyman projects. He gutted and remodeled a kitchen, two bathrooms and a bunch of walls and ceilings....which he had never done before. He's a "let me wing it first and see how it goes" kinda guy. I'm beyond impressed with his mechanical abilities. I love you, dear! NOTATION: I once hung up a two foot wide shelf when my first husband was at work. I used a level, NUMEROUS screws, bolts, nails (for screw reinforcement), a hammer, an electric drill, a chalk thingy to draw a line, and a hammer (NOT a hatchet). He came home, put a book on it and the shelf felt forward about three inches from the wall. After forbidding me to touch any more electrical tools in the house, collecting himself from laughing at me, AND removing the shelf and supporting items, he taught me about WALL ANCHORS. Thank you, Ron, for this very valuable piece of homeowner knowledge that I will never forget. P.s. I still have no idea how to use them! |
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