New Stuff I Got Goin On

Well, I'd say that was quite a sabbatical!  I didn't know I'd be gone for so long.  It was an extended blog nap, I suppose.

To follow up with my last post......  we didn't get shit.

I shouldn't say that.  We did have some sort of progress but not in how we expected.

After the last meeting we discovered that Justin's lawyer was a moron.  I'm sure he had plenty of good qualities, but helping us was not one of them.  The least worrisome of his moronic behavior was his inability to call us back with information we needed..... until we fired him.  Then he knew our phone number really well!  He could dial those digits lickety-split.

Justin, the good egg that he is, didn't want to fire him.  He felt bad that this man put 5 years of work into our case and we were going to give him the boot.  But, as I told him, it was five SHITTY years of work.  He was horrible!  No one could believe that this case wasn't settled and at the last meeting, Justin was told that there were two more doctors that needed to give depositions and then....blah blah blah blah blah.  My theory?  "This jerk isn't going to be sending us Christmas Cards and checking in after this is over!  He's gonna take his cut and run.  He doesn't give a rat's ass about us.  Who cares about him?!"

We were directed to a different firm through this wonderful person at Allstate who helped me grow up and pay attention to my meager investments (I thought the money would do better if I just ignored it and let it do its thing....okay, so investment-wise I'm as much of a moron as that lawyer we fired).  Here's what happened next:

Lawyer called us back in 24 hours
They got all of the records from the moron lawyer
Shit is happening!   Be still my heart.

Who knows what's going to happen.  At this point, I've relegated myself to "financially screwed for eternity" until someone tells me that there's a position opening up in the "show me the money" department.   Keep your fingers crossed for us, 'kay?

Speaking of my husband.... you know how they say "You know who your true friends are when your life isn't going well?"  Well, he is a living testament to that statement.  Totally true story.

When I met him, he had a bunch of friends that he hung out with.  Some separately.  Some in a group.  Every time one of these people needed help.... like their tv broke, or their heat went at their business, or they wanted something he had that was super expensive so they asked if they could make payments and take it now.....he was there.  Need money?  He'd lend it.  I never had a friend give me a vehicle and let me pay them off.... whenever I could.  Those people did though!  He was a gem of a friend!

Do you know where those people are now that we don't have cash with spare to share?  Me neither.

I think about it and I'm disgusted by how friendly they were when they had their hands out, but once we were in a bad spot, NOT ONE OF THEM has called to see how he is or if he needed anything.  I shouldn't be surprised.  They're probably afraid he'd ask them for something, much like they did to him for years.  The sad part is that Justin feels bad about it.  The only good part is that it weeded them out.   I swear if we are ever in that financial position again, they will never see a red cent.  Bad bad bad karma!!

I'm done venting.  I really had no intention of going through all of that when I sat down here.

If anyone is on a tear with books and looking for some gooders to read, let me know!  I've been ripping thru them on audio since Christmas.  I've been working a lot and when I work a lot, I miss Allie.  And when I miss Allie, I get depressed.  And when I get depressed, I eat a lot of crap.  So, audio books distract me from how much I miss my little peanut, therefore I don't eat.

Speaking of books....

I'm writing one.

Oh yes indeed.  It's true.  Aren't I just fancy?

About 8 years ago, I was dating a guy who dumped my sorry ass.  I was pathetic.  I remember feeling like Monica from "Friends" when she and Richard broke up.

I was living by myself and I would drive the 5 blocks to my dad's house and sit and cry on his shoulder (literally!  he watched tv and I just cried.)

One night, as I sat with my head on Dad's shoulder and my big box of tissues on my lap, I realized I had two different shoes on.  I scanned upward and noticed that my sweatpants had a hole in the crotch and my flannel shirt was totally buttoned wrong.  To top it off, I hadn't even combed out my hair when I got out of the shower that morning.  I went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and said to myself, "Self, you need to get a grip!"

I went to my therapist and he advised me to do two things..... pick up a hobby and move around whenever I started thinking about my now ex-boyfriend.

So, I did two things.  I took my dog for a walk every time I got weepy (he was the happiest he had ever been!) and I decided to write a book.  I know.... it's a big hobby, but I'm notorious for biting off more than I can potentially chew (literally AND figuratively, as now I also have TMJ)  I sat down and began to write.  And write.  And walk the dog.  And write.  I learned that when I'm miserable, I'm a committed writer!

Unfortunately, a few months later, my husband swept me off of my feet and I stopped writing.  I learned then that when I'm deliriously in love, I'm a crappy writer.

And so sat my little novel.  For eight years.

While listening to one of the audio books on tape a month ago

the rest of the story hit me like a ton of bricks right in the brain, right out of nowhere!  The book was sitting behind some door in my brain that was overlooked time and time again.  Suddenly, it burst through the door, ready to come out and be seen

And I gotta tell ya', writing a book is no easy task.  I thought it would be like blogging, but it's not!  There's a whole lot of prep work if you're serious about it.   And I'm serious.  The truth is that I've wanted to be a writer my whole life.  I was writing stories when I was a youngin'.  There are piles of them in notebooks in my mom's garage.  (Not mine, because ours is a complete disaster of hoarding proportions)

With that all being said, I must depart and get my silly self to bed.  The brain needs to recharge or I spend valuable time every day writing drivel that makes me angry when I proof read it later.  I will tend to my blog more often, because I still have lots of ridiculousness to report and insanity to complain about.  I need you.

Totally true story!

If you clickity click on the banner below, it will seem like nothing happened, but it did!  You can close the window as soon as it opens if you like.  T'anks peeps!

Are We Finally Getting Our Due?

Happy New Year everyone!

I hope you all had wonderful holidays and an excellent start to the new year.

I am going to tackle 2015 like a champ, but you know, there are always those things that are out of our control.  I have a hard time dealing with them.  I like to have structure.  For instance, the torn meniscus, followed by the little auto accident, and rounding everything up by falling down the stairs in the dark this past week were definitely not structured into my daily agenda.  But we all gotta suck it up and moving on.  It can always be worse.

I started a gratitude journal too.  A five year sucker.  I want to maintain some positivity even if my day is in the crapper.  If you're looking to do something similar, you can get a great one here:  http://tinyurl.com/lbz23vg.  

It's nicely made, hardcover, small enough to put in a purse but big enough to write in.  I also found this little gem:  http://tinyurl.com/mvnxgcu.

My favorite part about them?  Cheap!  Best gifts I gave myself for Christmas.

Speaking of gratitude, I've got a situation where I've had to search hard to find things to be grateful for.....but I'm still hoping.  I know they are there somewhere.  Sometimes you need to get out your PI hat and magnifying glass, but I'm sure they are there.  There is ALWAYS something.

As some of you may know, Justin and I have been dealing with his back injury for nearly 5 years.  It happened at work on Sept. 1st, 2009..... 18 days before our wedding.  Since then, our lives have changed.  A lot.  Five epidurals, two surgeries, massive amounts of narcotics and lingering pain tends to have an affect on one's life.  It also changes the lives of the people you live with.  

Our wedding day September 2009.
I was sick as a dog and he was flying high on pain medication but it was still one of the best days of my life!

The injury seems to control our lives and it likes to run the show.  No joke.  It's pretty badass.   We can have plans to take Allie to the playground and that day he can't walk the five minutes to get to the park.  I can take a little time off to spend with my family and that day he might be knocked out by a new medication.  Like I said, it's a badass injury.

For the first two years of Allie's life, Justin wasn't allowed to pick her up.  I would leave for work and had to make sure they were inside of a gated part of the living room so she couldn't run away.   I had my own little herd of humans waiting for me.  For the next two years of her life, Justin was allowed to try to pick her up but most of the time, he can't.

The limitations are endless.  His ego has takes a hit when he has to ask a GIRL from the pet store to put dog food bag in his car.  His pride has been shattered every time people question why he is unable to work.  He has immense guilt that I have to take every job I can .  His privacy was invaded as private investigators were sent to watch over us and see if he was faking his injury.  Yet he keeps pushing forward, hopeful that "things are gonna change soon."  Many people would've given up.

New scars to add to the old ones.  This was after the fusion in Nov 2012

 Through all of the changes, we adjusted!  Humans are resilient like that.  Granted, there were days where I cried, wondering why this happened to us.  There were moments when I wondered how we were going to manage.  But I really do believe that God/The Universe only gives you what you can handle.  And as for the shit you think you can't handle, He provides you with direction to help.

This week we went to our final medical exam after five years of this ridiculousness.   This is a real knee slapper (sarcasm).  See, apparently, the insurance company wants to be SURE that Justin is really injured.  Maybe he's a really good actor and is keeping this up so he can take all of the drugs that have wretched side effects?  Oh yes!  I'm sure many people would have their vertebrae fused for a good high!

Speaking of which, one day I got a good feel for what drugs they were giving him. When I gave birth to Allie, I had an epidural.  I looked up at the IV bag and saw that it was the same medication Justin took every day (and still does).  One of his pain medications was the same thing they give women who are giving birth to ease the pain.  That's some freaky stuff there! 

In March, the doctors and insurance people and lawyers will sit down and OFFICIALLY decide if Justin is really disabled.  It took this long for them to say "Okay.  We will stop giving all of our cashola to doctors and pharmaceutical peeps and maybe we will give you a little something... if there's any money left."  His medical procedures and medications have cost over $300,000.  That is some happy cash floating around the medical field!  I hope they put some aside for us little peeps.

Throughout the exam, I cried.  Not sobbing; just non-stop tears.  Five years of poking and prodding  Justin and then try to get him to do painful things, just to see if he's really injured.  It's been going on for years.   When is it going to be enough?  Well,  I think it's actually going to be soon.  I refuse to believe that there is no light at the end of this tunnel.  I will be especially grateful when we get there!

So, if you're a praying sort of person, I ask you to keep us in your prayers.  We want it to end and we're hopeful that the end is near.  Money isn't even the main reason why anymore.  Sure it would be NICE, but we both feel that he won't be getting much money, so we aren't counting on it.  We just want to live our lives without all of these professional people messing around with us.    

The truth is that despite the crappy moments, we've discovered that we are survivors.  We can make it through difficult moments and come out wiser and stronger.  I think we've proven to be more badass than the injury.   

I wish you all a HEALTHY 2015 full of things to be grateful for!