Therapeutic, Drug Free Weddings

I've mentioned it before, but this past week, my wedding day has been stuck in my head.  Mostly, because a week ago I got to be a part of celebrating my friends' wedding.  I think those events bring up lots of memories for us "already marrieds".

Rose and Steve's wedding was beautiful.  I know people say it all of the time, but I think it may have been one of the most perfect weddings I've ever been to.  The location was fantastic, the people in the wedding were so awesome and the bride looked stunning.  And I mean stunning for real....not in the way that people say stunning because that's the right thing to say.  Plus the guests were a lot of fun and we were put at a table with the super cool people, which always makes it more comfortable when you don't really know anyone.

Steve and Rose...... and the rest of us peeps! 

There was something really strange about the whole event tho.  It was actually therapeutic.  Being able to participate in a perfect wedding with people I love helped me get over the residual guilt of my own wedding day.

Let me take you back 5 years......

I was sick.  The end.

Okay, there was more.  I had spent months upon months obsessing over things and carrying around this kajungus wedding organizer because I wanted things to be perfect.  My mission statement was, "I just want everyone to have a good time."  I just forgot to add "WITH ME."   Apparently, God is very strict with his interpretations when granting requests.

Waiting for the tardy party members.  Places people!  Places!

The night before, we had the rehearsal dinner, which was very nice and Justin and I were gloriously happy.  Before I walked out the door to go home, I sneezed.

Instant sick.

The next morning, I woke up..... sicker.  I rummaged thru my medicine cabinet like a nut, looking for something to make me feel less sniffly, sneezy, coughy and achy.  I was marrying the man of my dreams and everyone I loved was going to be there.  I needed energy and I needed to be clear headed.  So, I took Tylenol Sore Throat and Comtrex somethingoranother.  I grabbed my wedding day crap and ran to my mom's.

I walked thru that door and my parents, brother and sister-in-law all looked at me and said, "Oh my God.  You look awful."  I can still see their faces.  They had that flinchy, slightly shocked, "yikes" look.

I panicked.  "Oh my gawd.  What am I going to do......?"

Here's what else happened.  I FAILED TO MENTION the previously consumed medications from home.   So, when said family starting handing me glasses of water with promises of "take this and it'll help", I started gulping water and drugs like a fish out of water.  Tablets and cough syrups left and right.

About an hour later, I sat in the salon chair, getting my hair done, staring into Kathy's eyes as I held her hand, repeating, "I don't feel good.  I really don't feel right.  I think something is wrong."

This actually did turn out to be a lovely coiffure.  Kathy took the photo and then I confessed to being totally jacked up!

You've seen that I'm blond.  I do fit the stereotype from time to time.  My blondness prevented me from figuring out that I was.....O-V-E-R M-E-D-I-C-A-T-E-D.  In a big way.

Before leaving for the church, we were praying to God, angels, deceased relatives, the Pope, and anyone else with some miraculous pull that might help me feel better.  FAST.

Justin holding me upright and the girls were like book ends keeping me from falling over
ps. Liz I apologize for the photo with the eyes closed but it's the only digital one of these I have!

It didn't happen.  I was now "cold sick" as well as "over medicated sick".  NOT a good combo.  I spent from 1pm until 8pm on the verge of throwing up, unable to eat, dizzy, crying, completely miserable.  I laid on the couch in the bridal suite while people came up to check on me.  I especially enjoyed those who stated the obvious, "You never should've taken all of that medicine!"  Thank you and fuck you.

Here's what I do recall:

I spent a whole lot of time in the bathroom staring into the toilet and praying that I would barf up all of the meds and feel better.

My poor husband spent the first 3 hours of our reception on his own.  It was like he married an invisible person.  (I still feel guilt about that.)

A lot of people checked in on me to see how I was.  My mom, Justin, Kathy, my neighbor Trish, Justin's aunts Kathy and Angel, my mothers-in-law.... and then my oldest NY friend Wendy sat on the couch, feeding me bread and being so kind.  It turns out that Wendy had the magic touch, because even though I couldn't eat, THAT was what made me feel better.  A big fat edible sponge to absorb all of those meds.  She saved what was left of my wedding day!

I got to enjoy the last two hours of the day, even though I was high as a kite from everything I took.  I got to dance with people, cut the cake, ogle Justin, and have some sort of fun.

My favorite part though was the ceremony.  Why?  Because I learned that THAT was the most important part of a wedding.  Not all of the dancing and fun.  It was some sort of miracle, but for that 1/2 hour, I was perfectly fine and healthy and freaking THRILLED.  God took pity on me and said, "Ahhhhh....alright.  I'll let you enjoy the important part.  But that's all!  Don't get your hopes up.  I'll think about the rest of the evening."

We had this guy perform our wedding who thought we were  a riot.  We filled out questionnaires and he really went with it.    When I watch the DVD, I still laugh or cry while watching the ceremony.  It was the best moment of my life, right after having Allie.   I still get that same flutter in my stomach when I think about it.   Our guy kicked ass on our ceremony and I was totally 100% smitten with the other guy there.  You know.  Oh, what's his name?.......  Justin!  That's right.  Whew!  (wink)

One of the best moments of my life.  Lucky girl!

I was really glad we had someone do video because that's the only way I got to see what my reception was like.  It was as I hoped.  People had a good time.  But now I know to include myself when I make such requests!  Never forget yourself.  It took me 37 years to learn that if you don't make yourself a priority, chances are no one else will.

Immediately after our ceremony.....just on the cusp of become sickly all over again

Mind you, five years later, I was sick again!  Yep.  But I combated that shit with vitamins and medication and Airborne in a reasonable fashion.  By the big day, I had a slight cough and sniffles, but Mucinex D helped hide them until midnight.  I also annoyed the crap out of Rose, probably freaking her out, about getting sleep and not getting sick and taking vitamins.  She probably wanted to scream, "SHUT THE FLUCK UP!!!" at me numerous times.

Yet still, Rose and Steve's day allowed me to enjoy and participate in a "do over" of sorts.  I got to be a part of a perfect wedding and enjoy myself!  I cried at the ceremony partly because I was so happy for my friends, partly because it was a beautiful moment and partly because I had that flutter in my heart remembering the moment I married my own Prince Charming.

So, if you're a bride to be, or know one,  be sure you/they are mindful of three things:

1. Take care of yourself physically.  Keep in mind that stress drains you physically and wreaks havoc on your immune system.
2. Plan the day so YOU have fun.  Everyone there will follow your cue.  
3. Focus on that ceremony.  Even if no one else listens, it's the most important part of what's going on that day.  Remember that.

Love to all!

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She Only Wants Mom

Happy Holidays Everyone!

With Chanukah and Christmas over, we have the New Year celebration and then.... back to regular life.  Everyone can start counting down to Spring Break.  I thought when I finished school that I would be done living from holiday to holiday, but it has continued on for me and pretty much everyone else, I think.

I had a most lovely Christmas despite the illness that is ravaging my entire family.  I'm hoping that this will be the last post where I bitch about being sick, but I actually have a relevant topic to discuss that pertains to being ill for a change.  I'm moving beyond the complaining.

Two days before Christmas, I crawled out of my car after my last appointment and dragged myself into my house and declared, "I need a doctor."  So off we went to the local urgent care place to see what my deal was.  After four long months, I've finally decided that I cannot wish myself better, talk myself into being "unsick",  deny that I was illin', all of the stuff that I was doing other than woofing down medication.  It was time to give into western medicine.

Turns out I had what looks like a smidgen o' pneumonia.  Imagine that.  It was a wee bit of a shocker when she said, "I think we'll take an X-ray to be sure."  But like a good girl, I am diligently taking my "Antibees, roids and gas" (antibiotics, steriods and inhaler) and I'm feeling much better.  Well, at least I can breathe deeply without choking.  That's still better!

During all of this drama, I discovered a very interesting development in my maternal bond with Allie.  I really kind of needed it because lately I've been feeling a bit left out of the parental situation.  She wants Justin for everything.  He even gets a more emphatic "I love you" than I do.  So, I needed to feel connected.  Here's what I discovered.

When Allie is sick, she wants ME.  Just ME.

So, I'm sure you're saying, "Big effing deal.  Why is that so odd?"

It's odd because of the two parents, Justin is WAY more nurturing than I am when it comes to injury and illness.  I'm not cold hearted and I try to help take care of him when he doesn't feel well, but he blows me out of the water.  The guy should've been a nurse.  Not a doctor.  A nurse, cuz nurses are more warm and fuzzy.

He does the boo-boo voice ("Oh, honey....I'm so sorry!  Can I get you something?  Let me feel your forehead.  You feel warm.  You're sick.  If you need anything, just let me know, okay?"), he checks on me constantly ("Do you need anything yet?  Orange juice? A snack?"), and he is majorly accommodating ("Let me pick you up and carry you to the bathroom.....now don't push.  I'll squeeze you gently until the pee comes out.  You need to rest!")

LOL. I'm just kidding about the last one, so you can put your eyeballs back in the sockets.

Actually, he will run around and do whatever he can for me when I'm sick, even if it's killing him.  He is a natural caretaker.  I was horribly sick on our honeymoon and he took such great care of me.  He went to hell and back to find medicine to help me function.  I remember crying and saying, "I'm so sorry I'm ruining our honeymoon.  You're so good to me.  I could never take care of someone like you take care of me.  I'm sorry I'm not as good at this as you are."

So, with that being said, if you were three and felt sick, who would you run to?

That's why it's a bit surprising to me (and him) that she only wants me.  She will push him away if he tries to fuss over her.  If he tries to help so I can rest, she demands that I help her.  She finds some sort of comfort from being near me that she doesn't get from him.  It totally backs up the nature part of the "Nature vs. Nurture Theory" that you hear about.  Her natural instinct is to want me.  And when I tell people this, they all seem to think it's completely normal.  "Of course she does.  You're her mother."

Well, WHEW!  FINALLY there is something she likes better about me!  SCORE!

To be honest, while I feel bad for Justin when he gets pushed away since I see how hurt he is by it, it feels wonderful to be needed by Allie in a way that no one else will be able to fulfill.  And while it usually annoys me a little to take care of people who are super needy, it doesn't annoy me at all when she is insanely clingy and needy.  On Monday night, her ears hurt (she has the same cold) and the one thing that she wanted was for me to rub the inside of her ear with a Q-Tip (or "ear tip" as she calls them).  She nudged me every five to ten minutes until 430am saying, "Mommy.  Please rub my ear with an ear tip."  And I absolutely didn't mind.

I have a feeling that Allie will be like me and my mom.  When we are sick, we want to be with someone, but we don't want to be bothered by it.  My mother is the only other person besides Allie who never annoys me when she's injured or ill.  She could whine and bitch until the cows come home and it wouldn't make me crazy.  Of course, I"m just guessing because she doesn't do that, so I don't really know if it would be agitating or not.

When I went to the doctor earlier this week, something else unusual occurred.  Allie does NOT care for doctors offices.  We have the most awesome pediatrician and she does nothing but cry from the minute she sees him.  When she goes with Justin to some of his appointments she is miserable there too.  But for some reason, she insisted on coming into the doctor's office with me.  Like, full fledged freaking out in the waiting room, begging me not to leave her kind of insistance!  Now I have no explanation for that one, but I am kind of curious what it was all about.

So, I hope that this is the last entry I make for awhile that says anything about me being under the weather unless I have another momentous discovery.  I would just like to thank all of the moms, young and old, who commiserated with me and offered sympathy.  It really made me feel better to know that this happens to so many other people when their kids go to school.  I was trying to outsmart it and be tough, but the germies were gonna get me no matter what.  That's just how it is.  I concede.

I plan on being back beforehand (I've got a doozie of a topic, but I need to calm down before I can write about it without sounding like a lunatic), but should something happen and I get sidetracked, Happy New Year, everyone!

I saw this on Facebook and thought it was excellent.  Game on!

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We're Just Rookies!

I'm sick.  Again.

This will be round number four since September.  Allie is STILL sick since October 4th.  And Justin just sort of floats in and out of sickness as we go (the benefit of being somewhat of a germaphobe.)

I figured out what's going on though.  I really don't give a rat's ass WHAT this cold is about.  What I wanted to know was WHY we keep getting sick.  And I've come to the conclusion that this is like bootcamp for new parents.  It's the minor leagues.  When we get to the Major League (Kindergarten) we will be prepared and invincible!

Maybe not invincible, but we will be dodging bad (germ) pitches left and right!  I'm a rookie in the world of educational sickness.

I'm in complete awe of Allie's teachers.  I have three very good reasons why.

First of all, they are totally impervious to all of the germy bodily fluids that fly around that classroom.  I asked one of them the other day how she manages to not catch a cold, and she said that her immune system is really strong after being subjected to colds for so many years as a teacher.

(Side note: and how STRONG it is!  She recently told me a hilarious story about when a kid sneezed right in her face and her mouth was open.  Instinctively she reached for Purell and wiped her tongue with it without thinking.)

The second reason why I love Allie's teachers is that they tolerate my wacky husband (they actually find him endearing, thank God!), who until recently was staying for the first 15-20 minutes of Allie's 2.5 hour class to make sure she was comfortable with him leaving her there.

There was always some reason.  "She started to cry when I went to leave."  "She begged me to stay."  "She's not feeling well so I wanted to make sure she would be okay before I left."  Complete helicopter parent.

Now you see where the title of my blog came from.  HE is assuming the traditional "mom role" and I'm trying to work out my mom role somewhere on the flip side.

Finally, after talking with the teachers (did I mention that I love them?) about this, I finally had a little chat with him.  "It's been four months.  You need to just go.  Do you see any other parents there for the first fifteen minutes of class?"

"Sometimes I do!  And sometimes there are other parents there, too! You're not there.  You don't know."  Um.....sure.

I could see where this was going.  I had to bring in testimony from an expert witness.  "Well, I talked to Mrs. J (one of the teachers) and she thinks that Allie will be just fine if you drop her off and go.  Remember the first day how they told us that she would stop crying by the time we reached the end of the driveway?"

"They told me that they are fine with me being there!"

"Yes, dear.  That's what they say to your face.  Behind your back they are thinking maybe you should get the hell out of there before I have to pay a second tuition for your forty year old ass."

The truth is that they really don't care.  But they have also told me that they think it would be fine for him to leave far earlier than he does.  I also know that he's sweet and polite and entertaining....and they know that it's really HIM who has a hard time letting go.  Not her.

Now he drops her off, says goodbye and leaves.  He's moving out of Rookie status in the "cut the umbilical cord" department.

The third reason why I love Allie's pre-school teachers is this:

This is what Allie gave us for Christmas.  I started crying as soon as I opened it up.  Her little footprints and toe prints put together in such adorable fashion.  I never expected something so creative!  She also brought home cookies that they baked that day, but as you can imagine they are long gone.  Very tasty though!

As soon as I started crying, Allie started checking me out.  She figured out that it was a happy cry and she got all maternal on me, she hugged me and told me it was going to be okay and that she loved me.  My heart felt like it was the size of Alaska, full of love!

I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season!

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I Think It's Diphtheria

I'm sick.  Again.  I think it's diphtheria.

Okay, maybe diphtheria is a little extreme.  After all, only 56 people in the US have had it in the past 30 years, but maybe I'm part of the 1.866666 people who will get it this year.

I really hope I'm the "1" in that statistic.  I'd hate to be considered only .866666 of a person, although some would say that I lost my mind awhile ago, so that would account for the .133334 that could be missing.

It's round three with the same damn thing that started at the end of September.  I'm sure it's just a virus, but as I was self-diagnosing myself on the internet, I found that my symptoms matched diphtheria.  It's a good think I'm not a hypochondriac.  I'd be freaking.

Allie has been sick since October 4th.  She and my mom both got sick at the same time.  My mom got over it, but Allie has been coughing and sneezing and congested since then.  Justin has been sick twice since this lovely bug showed up.  And the damn thing clearly has some sort of vendetta as far as I'm concerned.  Three times???  Have some mercy!

Over the past weekend, we were sitting in bed watching a Bar Rescue marathon, when Justin started hacking and I sneezed a few times.  He looked at me and with complete seriousness he stated, "We are going to be sick until she graduates from high, school aren't we?"

Justin is convinced that Allie brought this illness home, courtesy of her preschool chums.  We were warned that Allie would probably get sick many times during her first year at any school since she wasn't really subjected to groups of kids for her first three years. She had only had a cold once, and that started New Year's Eve 2010.  We all got sick and within a week, we were fine.  Otherwise, no germies.

I have no idea how the teachers manage to avoid it.  I'm sure they have incredible immune systems, but considering where preschoolers put their hands and mouths, it's a damn miracle that they are so healthy.  They are like anti-viral/bacterial super-heroes.  I think they must have some magical medical force surrounding them, because I can't survive the germs that ONE toddler carries around, let alone the germs of 15!

As for this evening, I'm going to try to control my snifflingsneezingcoughingachingstuffyheadwithoutrest situation by rendering myself unconscious as I scarf down some nighttime medication.

I hope you all are healthy.....may the "Pre-school Teacher Force" be with you!

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Invasion of the Germs

I imagine that if you haven't been sick during the past month, you know someone who has been ill during that time.  Every year, in September, I get a cold.  And the same stupidity plays out repeatedly.

The Ten Steps of Coping With Vic Sickness

1. Start feeling crappy and get annoyed ("I don't have time to be sick")
2. Deny crappiness and claim the sneezes and snot are just a result of seasonal allergies
3. Begin taking Claritin
4. Continue denial in hopes that if you keep telling yourself it's allergies, it WILL be just that
5. Buy different allergy medication and some other cold medication "just in case"
6. Get really sick and listen to people tell you how you should be resting.  Ignore them.  You don't have time to be sick, remember?
7. Blame the now-confirmed sickness on jinxing yourself during step 5 by buying that "just-in-case cold medicine"
8. Become one with the couch and admit "I think I might be sick".  
9. Finally take care of yourself and get better.  This is the one intelligent step.
10. Realize that somewhere in the midst of the denial around number 4, you were kissing and hugging your family and now you've passed it on to them and they are miserable

Optional Step 11) After everyone gets better, you get sick AGAIN, but this time you blame your family instead of allergies.  Do not take responsibility!  Ever.

So, I'm at step 11 right now.  And I'm totally annoyed, which puts me back at Step 1.  The second time around the steps are modified. (Yes, there are more.  I can make up as many as I want, you know.)

1. Start feeling crappy AGAIN and get annoyed. ("Really?? This came full circle??") Blame everyone from Step 10 above and have a reason why they are probably the host of this illness
2. Skip the whole allergy rigmarole and immediately start bitching about how you shouldn't have been hugging and kissing people because now THEY gave you the cold again
3. Buy multiple kinds of medication.  Sinus, Sinus and Cold, Cold and Flu, decongestants, expectorants, throat sprays, sore throat syrup, cough lozenges, and every syrup that has "Robitussin" on the packaging.
4. After being ill for another day, go back out and buy ALL of the above shit again, but this time purchase the NIGHTTIME version.
5. Be very particular dispensing medication, as you learned how this could go horribly wrong on your wedding day if you start medicating yourself all willy-nilly out of desperation.
6. Sleep.  Anywhere.  You're sick and people will understand.
7. Don't let people near you "because I'm really sick." (Oh, NOW you're careful!)
8. Be pathetic.  Especially around those who potentially could have given the cold back to you.  If they are annoying to you because of some other reason, feel free to add extra guilt.
9. Feel better, but keep the pathetic thing going.  Sympathy helps.
10. Start diagnosing everyone around you who looks ill or tells you they think they have allergies.  "Oh, no!  You're SICK.  You should go home and take something and rest!" because clearly you are better at bossing people around than you are at listening to your own advice. (Stubborn much?)

I can appreciate those over the counter medications.  I respect them after overdosing on multiple kinds on my wedding day (my poor sister-in-law was summoning Saints to try to help me because there was really nothing else to do.  Only a Holy entity was going to fix that shit.)  

And I praise them after being seriously ill and pregnant and unable to take anything other  than Tylenol (because it's smart to go to a huge casino 3 weeks before giving birth....there's no germs there!  Who would ever guess I would become so ill I had to sleep in a chair? Casinos are so sanitary!  UGH!)

Allie is still coughing and it breaks my heart every time she has congested coughing spells.  Thank God for Hylands cough syrup.  The homeopathic stuff seems to work quite well and she doesn't clamp her hands over her mouth every time we give it to her, so it mustn't taste so bad either.  

She's such a little trooper.  Even feeling poorly, she still has the energy to play or go to the park.  I hope she continues to be a little BA (bad ass) into her adulthood.  Although I would prefer that she be a RBA (realistic bad ass) and recognize the symptoms, identify the cause, and treat until recovered, instead of being a SA (stubborn ass) like her mother.

I wish you all good health and I'll be back soon.  I have lots to tell.  There was traveling, along with  birthday festivities, while I was gone.  I may have an interesting little ditty to tell somewhere in there.

May the force of immunity be with you!

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