Fightin' For that Five & a Parental Promotion

Hello, everyone!

I want to start by saying thank you so much to all of you who were so encouraging about my latest endeavor.  Whether you commented or just hit that "like" button, I was touched by your feedback.  It was like an extra boost to keep going.

My client that started last week, Ms. J,  has already lost five pounds and she made it seem effortless.  She was like a star pupil!  Her positive attitude had a lot to do with it, but she also fought for it as well.  She followed the program and VOILA!  It's working.  I'm really proud of her and inspired by her too!

Speaking of "Five", I've been fighting to see that second digit become a five for a few days now.  It's my first big weight goal in Operation Fattypants.  Today I got on the scale and you know what I saw?

160.0.  POINT ZERO?   Really?  The effing thing just can't give me a break.

Worse yet, I have one of those scales that does not allow you to cheat in any fashion.  You get on, it scans, and then BAM!  The number pops up and the scale immediately sends it to your computer.   There's no chance to lean a little to the left and maybe get the scale to take off .1 of a pound.  It pisses me off.  But I suppose I need the honesty.

In case you're wondering, I have the FitBit Aria scale.  It works with the FitBit Force and is compatible with the My Fitness Pal app/website.  It's like all of my devices gang up on me.  There's no cheating.  Mutter fluckers.

I will be doing the Forbidden Dance of Joy when I hit that 159, so prepare yourself, peeps.  Wherever you live, I'm sure you'll hear me carrying on.

On other fronts, viral germs have infiltrated my home again.  This time it appears that they do not wish to invade MY body.  They've organized an attack against Justin and Allie.

Last Tuesday, Justin got the stomach virus.  Three days of gastrointestinal fun!  Whoopeee!  Around the 2nd day, he got the respiratory virus.  Double the fun!  Around Friday, he passed it on to Allie, which was a kick in the pants.  I mean, look at this poor baby.....

She usually operates on Fast Forward so for her to be passed out like this in the middle of the day was quite surprising.

Times like this are when I see the real value of Facebook.  Immediately I jumped on Facebook and started asking questions.  So many awesome people responded right away with input.   Of course they are only opinions, but to me it's like gold.  Those opinions have value to me.  Who knows this stuff better than Moms?

I know that sounds really sexist, and I know that there are plenty of dads who are the Go To Parent when illness takes over, so please forgive me for singling out the maternal side.  But when I complained about how I felt like the Optional Parent, everyone said, "Wait until she gets sick or injured.  You'll see."

When Allie wants to play or rough house or do something extra fun, Justin is the Go To guy.  She hears him come home and gets super excited.  Me....not so much.  That's why I say that I feel like the Optional Parent.  He's the super fun playmate.

HOWEVER there is an exception to this rule.  The second that Allie falls down or feels sick, it's all about Mama!  She wont even let Justin touch her.  "NOOOOO!  I WANT MAMA!!"  And of course this is very confusing to him, since he's the center of her world at every other moment.

The immature side of me relishes in this.  Why?  Because he finally gets to see what it feels like to have your child run past you to get to the other parent.  And it's really nice to be able to have something to give that no one else can.  I'm the Comfort Parent.  I'm viewing it as a promotion from Optional Parent. I'll take it.  No extra pay necessary.

Before I go, I had something occur that I'm wondering if any other parents have experienced.  It was a bit freaky and unexpected.....

I took Allie's temperature on Sunday and it was 102.7.  I had to do some things around the house so I moved her from my lap to Justin's.  When I finished with the chores, I came back to the couch and sat down next to him.  For about an hour I felt very emotional and disturbed.

Don't make fun, but I felt exactly like my dog does when a storm is coming.  She gets all freaked out and worried looking.  We always know that a climate change is about to occur just by Sadie's behavior.

During that hour, I kept saying to Justin that I felt like something wasn't right with Allie.   I called the doctor and he told me that her symptoms were normal for the virus that was going around.  But I still felt freaky.  I took her temperature again.

"It says.......104.9."

Wait.  WHAT???

I took it again.  Still 104.9.    I started crying.  I don't know why.  After that, I called my mom and asked her to bring all of her thermometers over.  ("All of my glasses and all of my shoes" for you Jerky Boys fans)  I took Allie's temperature again and it said the same thing.

We called the doctor AGAIN and followed his advice.  About 2 hours later she was back to 102.7 and I was feeling like myself again.  The next morning she was 99.3.  All was fine.  All was good.

So, who is going to explain this to me????  Does someone want to explain that floofy, kafuffle thing that I had going on internally the night before?  Do all moms get this?  Are these more maternal connections to create more things for me to worry about?  No one warned me about this!

Is this how my mom has always known to call me when I'm having distress?  Immediately after an argument with someone, the phone would ring and my mother would say, "It's me.  Are you okay?"  I know that I'm just a rookie.  I'm in the same room and I have this internal thing going on.  My mom gets it while she's in another zip code!  I lived in an entirely different state during many of those crappy moments.  She's intuitive on a professional level.

So, to wrap this up, here's my little princess this morning, feeling all fabulous.....

She's still sickly, but she is happy to be almost back to full speed.

And since I mentioned the dog earlier, here's a photo from this evening.  Sadie has insisted on sleeping by Allie's feet since she got sick.  I looked down tonight and saw this and it warmed my heart....

My two favorite girls intertwined

Wishing you all good health and fluffy, protective paws  :-)

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Making A Life Changing Decision..... fun! fun! fun!

Hello, everyone!  This is my first post of 2014 because it took me this long to find the courage to write it.  Actually, the writing part is easy.  It's that some of the photos that are a bit traumatizing.  They're not so flattering.

Last July I downloaded a bunch of photos from my camera and I saw THIS little bit o' hideousness:

I looked at it and thought, "What in the hell have I become?"  There were multiple photos of me with my mom and Allie and each one was worse than the next!  I have a truly hellacious one that I'll save for later.

I started looking through other photos and NOTHING was appealing.  It all was bad, bad, bad.  At 2am, I found myself feeling like I was going to explode.

I had tried every diet, program, regimen, support group out there, with the exception of Phen-Phen.  I was too scared to do that.  However, I wasn't too scared to be a part of research!  I participated in a "clinical trial" testing a new diet medication that was supposedly holistic.  I hope for their sake that I was part of the control group! On a business trip I tried Xenadrine and nearly had a heart attack in my hotel room.  Anyway, if you want to throw a "program" name at me, go ahead..... chances are really good that I tried it.

So, back to 2am.

On the side of a webpage was an ad for Take Shape For Life.  What was that?  It was something new.  New to ME that is.  It's been around for eons.  I clicked on the ad and read everything I could find on it.  This was literally my last chance.  There was nothing else.

As I told Justin about this in the morning, I started to cry.  I didn't want to be a fat person anymore.  I didn't want my daughter to be embarrassed by me.  I wanted to be able to keep up with her and not feel exhausted.  I didn't want to be out of control anymore.  I didn't want to be so disgusted by myself that I didn't look in the mirror when I got out of the shower  anymore.  I didn't want to be so ashamed that I didn't even want my husband to hug me anymore.

So, I enrolled in Take Shape For Life and BAM!  A miracle occurred.

I lost weight.  For the first time ever I lost more than 8 pounds and it felt easy.  At first it was a little challenging, but let me just say that when you get on your scale and the numbers keep going down, you don't want to quit.  I was skeptical that this was going to be a permanent change, but the numbers kept getting smaller!  When I saw that I was 25 pounds lighter, I was doing the forbidden dance of joy all over my living room.

As most people know (because I didn't shut up about it), I got sick at the end of September.  I had to make a number of changes in my medication and what I was eating.  By the end of December I was so eager to get back to Take Shape For Life that I couldn't wait for January to start so I could jump back into the lifestyle.

And from September to January, I gained 4 pounds.  That's it.  Keep in mind that there were those two holidays that provide an endless supply of baked goods during that time.  And I did actually eat some.  But I had learned so much beforehand that I had actually changed my eating habits, which is one of the main goals, and I didn't spiral out of control.

On January 1st, I went back on the program and lost the 4 pounds plus another 3.  Seven pounds and the month isn't even over yet.  It took me EIGHT MONTHS to lose that on Jenny Craig.

I know you're thinking that this is all one big sales pitch, but it's not.  I'm actually training to be a TSFL Health Coach because #1) My coach (an awesome, inspiring guy named Justin in California) played an enormous part in my success and he thought I had the ability to do the same for other people  #2) I truly believe in this.  It works!  I'm proof and I want other people to know about it.

You can take it or leave it.  That's up to you.  But I'm only half way to my goal and if you would like to join me in losing weight and becoming healthier, I'd love the company and I'd love for us all to support each other.  I have an incredible group in California who opened their arms to me and they are always willing to welcome new people for encouragement (or if you just want to bug out about something).  I love them.

Next week, I'll be doing a Grand Opening of sorts.  If you know anyone who may be interested in joining me, or if you are interested, please let me know.  Call, email, text, Facebook me.  Smoke signal, pigeon carrier, and snail mail are also welcome.  :-)  You'll see more information next week.  Wish me luck!!

(Note: I will be continuing with my pet sitting business, for those of you who wondered!   How could I ever leave???)

In the meantime, here are some more photos of my big "Expedition To Health/Departure From FattyBoomALattyVille"

Me and Allie June 2013.  I felt like my face was almost a perfectly round circle!

This is me with Allie in September 2013, exactly 2 months after I started

This is the truly disgusting one I mentioned.  My thighs were so big that they started touching each other half way up my legs.  I realized at this point that my arms were not made for polo shirt sleeves either.

I can  no longer wear these pants without them falling off when I walk.  I have a huge collection of "vintage" Tommy Hilfiger jeans in size 14 if anyone is interested.  I used to have to do squats in these to "loosen them up" so I could sit down without making myself sick from the tight waistband

This tank top was usually too short to tuck in from my "fat rolls" around my waist.  On the second half of my journey, I plan on getting rid of the final roll and getting everything else a bit more toned.

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Save Your Stupid Apologies, I Don't Wanna Hear 'Em

I feel as though I have sufficiently calmed down enough to discuss the following subject:

Bullshit celebrity apologies.

It's something that always bothered me, but once the Paula Deen thing happened, followed by the Alec Baldwin thing recently, and now the Phil Robertson thing, I can't take it anymore.   Anyone who brings this topic up to me is bound to get an earful, because I've had enough!

I need to do my little disclaimer right here in the beginning to eliminate any potential pissedoffness that could occur if you don't read my big mouth opinion straight through to the end.  I do NOT approve of racist and homophobic slurs.  I don't care what color you are or who you crawl into bed at night with.  My mother raised us to love everyone equally and that it is inside, not outside, what matters.  Allison is being raised in the exact same fashion.  So, please be clear on my stance on those particular items.

Okay.  Here I go.

If I hear one more person "apologize" for "offending" people, I'm going to lose my mind.  It's all bullshit.  None of it is genuine.  If these people didn't have celebrity status and major bucks to lose, they wouldn't apologize to anyone for anything.  They are being forced into saying they are sorry for their beliefs when they really aren't.

Even if it was for one minute in an entire lifetime, Paula Deen and Alec Baldwin did feel the need to use racist and homophobic terms when speaking to someone in public.  It happened.  The words are so damn common that they easily run off people's tongues  in the heat of the moment.  Even gay and ethnic people do it.  God knows the "N word" is thrown around as much as the word "you" by African American people.  I recently watched a TV show where a gay man called another gay man a "f*g" because he was so flamboyant.  These words are being used within the groups who find it offensive as well.  Somehow, they give permission to keep the language going.

BUT...oh, yes, there is a but....

I don't want to hear an apology for something when you don't mean it.  I hate it when people in my personal life do it.  You might as well just say, "I'm only saying this to get you to shut the hell up and get over it."  And that's what these celebrities are doing.  They are being forced into it to save their reputations.  Its so disingenuous.  I lose respect for them for caving in and taking back their feelings, regardless of how crappy they are.  Stick up for yourself, dammit.  If you're going to be an asshole, be a proud asshole!

And who in the hell is so "offended" by this talk?  A newscaster says "shit" by accident and has to come back from commercial and apologize for "offending" people?  What planet do these offended people live on?  They never heard this kind of language before?  And why in the hell are they taking it so personally?

Really?  Offended?  I still don't understand that.  And if you don't like what people are saying, then walk away, turn the page, change the channel, stop giving them your attention.  That's what I do with people in my own life.  Their racist and homophobic statements don't offend me.  If anything, I'm glad I get to see their true colors so I can decide whether I want them in my life or not.  If they want to be ignorant, it's their prerogative.  Their opinions don't affect me.... unless you are dragging people I love into it.

The real kicker for me was Phil Robertson.  I'm a fan of the Duck Dynasty show.  I think it's hilarious and I like their wholesome values.  They seem like people that you would want to know better.  So, Phil makes a comment in a sermon (he's a preacher) about how homosexuality is wrong according to the bible.  He states his case and then moves on.

He doesn't say that you should hate gay people.   What he says actually is factual....depending on what you believe in.  The Bible strongly implies that homosexuality is wrong.  The BIBLE says it.  That doesn't meant that it's right.  But if you are a Christian and share the beliefs amongst many divisions of Christianity, then that's what you believe as well.  He later says that he thinks people should love everyone, regardless of their lifestyle.

It's your right to have your own opinion and religious beliefs.  When that stops, we are in for a shitload of trouble here in America.   I see a trend where people are trying to take away that right and force us to believe that if you don't think like the majority, then you should say you're sorry and shut up.

This is what I need to teach my daughter?  I need to tell her that when she has an opinion that is contrary to popular beliefs she should shut up and keep it to herself?  Don't be an individual!  And God forbid you slip and say something, make sure you humble  yourself and apologize for being so offensive!

Oh, nay nay!

There's no way in hell's bathroom that I'm going to follow that line of thinking.  If I taught her that, I would be teaching her to conform.  No conforming.  Be you!  Be nice, but be you.  If you believe in something that hurts other people, that's a real problem, but if you believe something that is different from the masses, don't give up.  You could change the world, even if it's just a teeny bit.

What if Martin Luther King, or Rosa Parks, or Susan B. Anthony, or Betty Friedan, or Brenda Howard gave in and stifled their opinions?  They went against the majority and now Equal Rights for minorities, women and homosexuals are bursting forward.

In conclusion to the Phil Robertson drama, I'm glad he didn't apologize.  I'm also glad that he told people that we all should be kind and love each other, no matter what you believe.  He's stuck with his guns (no pun intended), but he made it nice.  I'm impressed.  I don't agree with him, but I respect him for telling his truth.

So, my job is to make Allie's truth one that is kind, loving and part of a positive contribution to the world.  It's MY job and I take it seriously.  Children learn from example and I'm trying to do my best to set a good one.  The tidbit I'll take away from this apology crap is that I want Allie to only apologize when she means it.  Don't betray your beliefs, and for God's sake, don't try to say something meaningful that you don't mean!

Much love to you all!

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She Only Wants Mom

Happy Holidays Everyone!

With Chanukah and Christmas over, we have the New Year celebration and then.... back to regular life.  Everyone can start counting down to Spring Break.  I thought when I finished school that I would be done living from holiday to holiday, but it has continued on for me and pretty much everyone else, I think.

I had a most lovely Christmas despite the illness that is ravaging my entire family.  I'm hoping that this will be the last post where I bitch about being sick, but I actually have a relevant topic to discuss that pertains to being ill for a change.  I'm moving beyond the complaining.

Two days before Christmas, I crawled out of my car after my last appointment and dragged myself into my house and declared, "I need a doctor."  So off we went to the local urgent care place to see what my deal was.  After four long months, I've finally decided that I cannot wish myself better, talk myself into being "unsick",  deny that I was illin', all of the stuff that I was doing other than woofing down medication.  It was time to give into western medicine.

Turns out I had what looks like a smidgen o' pneumonia.  Imagine that.  It was a wee bit of a shocker when she said, "I think we'll take an X-ray to be sure."  But like a good girl, I am diligently taking my "Antibees, roids and gas" (antibiotics, steriods and inhaler) and I'm feeling much better.  Well, at least I can breathe deeply without choking.  That's still better!

During all of this drama, I discovered a very interesting development in my maternal bond with Allie.  I really kind of needed it because lately I've been feeling a bit left out of the parental situation.  She wants Justin for everything.  He even gets a more emphatic "I love you" than I do.  So, I needed to feel connected.  Here's what I discovered.

When Allie is sick, she wants ME.  Just ME.

So, I'm sure you're saying, "Big effing deal.  Why is that so odd?"

It's odd because of the two parents, Justin is WAY more nurturing than I am when it comes to injury and illness.  I'm not cold hearted and I try to help take care of him when he doesn't feel well, but he blows me out of the water.  The guy should've been a nurse.  Not a doctor.  A nurse, cuz nurses are more warm and fuzzy.

He does the boo-boo voice ("Oh, honey....I'm so sorry!  Can I get you something?  Let me feel your forehead.  You feel warm.  You're sick.  If you need anything, just let me know, okay?"), he checks on me constantly ("Do you need anything yet?  Orange juice? A snack?"), and he is majorly accommodating ("Let me pick you up and carry you to the bathroom.....now don't push.  I'll squeeze you gently until the pee comes out.  You need to rest!")

LOL. I'm just kidding about the last one, so you can put your eyeballs back in the sockets.

Actually, he will run around and do whatever he can for me when I'm sick, even if it's killing him.  He is a natural caretaker.  I was horribly sick on our honeymoon and he took such great care of me.  He went to hell and back to find medicine to help me function.  I remember crying and saying, "I'm so sorry I'm ruining our honeymoon.  You're so good to me.  I could never take care of someone like you take care of me.  I'm sorry I'm not as good at this as you are."

So, with that being said, if you were three and felt sick, who would you run to?

That's why it's a bit surprising to me (and him) that she only wants me.  She will push him away if he tries to fuss over her.  If he tries to help so I can rest, she demands that I help her.  She finds some sort of comfort from being near me that she doesn't get from him.  It totally backs up the nature part of the "Nature vs. Nurture Theory" that you hear about.  Her natural instinct is to want me.  And when I tell people this, they all seem to think it's completely normal.  "Of course she does.  You're her mother."

Well, WHEW!  FINALLY there is something she likes better about me!  SCORE!

To be honest, while I feel bad for Justin when he gets pushed away since I see how hurt he is by it, it feels wonderful to be needed by Allie in a way that no one else will be able to fulfill.  And while it usually annoys me a little to take care of people who are super needy, it doesn't annoy me at all when she is insanely clingy and needy.  On Monday night, her ears hurt (she has the same cold) and the one thing that she wanted was for me to rub the inside of her ear with a Q-Tip (or "ear tip" as she calls them).  She nudged me every five to ten minutes until 430am saying, "Mommy.  Please rub my ear with an ear tip."  And I absolutely didn't mind.

I have a feeling that Allie will be like me and my mom.  When we are sick, we want to be with someone, but we don't want to be bothered by it.  My mother is the only other person besides Allie who never annoys me when she's injured or ill.  She could whine and bitch until the cows come home and it wouldn't make me crazy.  Of course, I"m just guessing because she doesn't do that, so I don't really know if it would be agitating or not.

When I went to the doctor earlier this week, something else unusual occurred.  Allie does NOT care for doctors offices.  We have the most awesome pediatrician and she does nothing but cry from the minute she sees him.  When she goes with Justin to some of his appointments she is miserable there too.  But for some reason, she insisted on coming into the doctor's office with me.  Like, full fledged freaking out in the waiting room, begging me not to leave her kind of insistance!  Now I have no explanation for that one, but I am kind of curious what it was all about.

So, I hope that this is the last entry I make for awhile that says anything about me being under the weather unless I have another momentous discovery.  I would just like to thank all of the moms, young and old, who commiserated with me and offered sympathy.  It really made me feel better to know that this happens to so many other people when their kids go to school.  I was trying to outsmart it and be tough, but the germies were gonna get me no matter what.  That's just how it is.  I concede.

I plan on being back beforehand (I've got a doozie of a topic, but I need to calm down before I can write about it without sounding like a lunatic), but should something happen and I get sidetracked, Happy New Year, everyone!

I saw this on Facebook and thought it was excellent.  Game on!

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We're Just Rookies!

I'm sick.  Again.

This will be round number four since September.  Allie is STILL sick since October 4th.  And Justin just sort of floats in and out of sickness as we go (the benefit of being somewhat of a germaphobe.)

I figured out what's going on though.  I really don't give a rat's ass WHAT this cold is about.  What I wanted to know was WHY we keep getting sick.  And I've come to the conclusion that this is like bootcamp for new parents.  It's the minor leagues.  When we get to the Major League (Kindergarten) we will be prepared and invincible!

Maybe not invincible, but we will be dodging bad (germ) pitches left and right!  I'm a rookie in the world of educational sickness.

I'm in complete awe of Allie's teachers.  I have three very good reasons why.

First of all, they are totally impervious to all of the germy bodily fluids that fly around that classroom.  I asked one of them the other day how she manages to not catch a cold, and she said that her immune system is really strong after being subjected to colds for so many years as a teacher.

(Side note: and how STRONG it is!  She recently told me a hilarious story about when a kid sneezed right in her face and her mouth was open.  Instinctively she reached for Purell and wiped her tongue with it without thinking.)

The second reason why I love Allie's teachers is that they tolerate my wacky husband (they actually find him endearing, thank God!), who until recently was staying for the first 15-20 minutes of Allie's 2.5 hour class to make sure she was comfortable with him leaving her there.

There was always some reason.  "She started to cry when I went to leave."  "She begged me to stay."  "She's not feeling well so I wanted to make sure she would be okay before I left."  Complete helicopter parent.

Now you see where the title of my blog came from.  HE is assuming the traditional "mom role" and I'm trying to work out my mom role somewhere on the flip side.

Finally, after talking with the teachers (did I mention that I love them?) about this, I finally had a little chat with him.  "It's been four months.  You need to just go.  Do you see any other parents there for the first fifteen minutes of class?"

"Sometimes I do!  And sometimes there are other parents there, too! You're not there.  You don't know."  Um.....sure.

I could see where this was going.  I had to bring in testimony from an expert witness.  "Well, I talked to Mrs. J (one of the teachers) and she thinks that Allie will be just fine if you drop her off and go.  Remember the first day how they told us that she would stop crying by the time we reached the end of the driveway?"

"They told me that they are fine with me being there!"

"Yes, dear.  That's what they say to your face.  Behind your back they are thinking maybe you should get the hell out of there before I have to pay a second tuition for your forty year old ass."

The truth is that they really don't care.  But they have also told me that they think it would be fine for him to leave far earlier than he does.  I also know that he's sweet and polite and entertaining....and they know that it's really HIM who has a hard time letting go.  Not her.

Now he drops her off, says goodbye and leaves.  He's moving out of Rookie status in the "cut the umbilical cord" department.

The third reason why I love Allie's pre-school teachers is this:

This is what Allie gave us for Christmas.  I started crying as soon as I opened it up.  Her little footprints and toe prints put together in such adorable fashion.  I never expected something so creative!  She also brought home cookies that they baked that day, but as you can imagine they are long gone.  Very tasty though!

As soon as I started crying, Allie started checking me out.  She figured out that it was a happy cry and she got all maternal on me, she hugged me and told me it was going to be okay and that she loved me.  My heart felt like it was the size of Alaska, full of love!

I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season!

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